Dear Novotni,
As a physical therapist, you would never say “some of my paraplegic patients are less resilient because they THINK of walking as work”… for someone with paraplegia, walking IS work. As an endocrinologist you would never say “some of my patients with type 1 diabetes are less resilient because they THINK of sugar management as work”… for individuals with type 1 diabetes, managing blood sugar IS work. For many people with ADHD, socializing IS work. Please reframe your understanding of ADHD before continuing as a clinician.

Video game noises drive me crazy with all the squeaking, the zinging, the buzzing, bells dinging and it’s sensory overload to my ears–my child never played her Gameboy with the sound on, poor kid. My husband’s metal detector makes me want to kill myself, with all it’s squealing. Incidentally, I can’t stand babies crying either, and this actually made me a good parent, because the minute there as a peep of a cry out of my daughter, I addressed whatever the problem was quickly, so she would not cry anymore.

I HATE florescent lighting; it gives me headaches, and blue or white colored light hurts my head and eyes, I need 3000 Kelvin or less colored lights; I have to track down a red colored alarm clock for my bedroom and no light from devices is allowed in my bedroom ever, including the intermittent green blinking light on my stupid smoke detector (I ripped it off the wall one night and smashed it, I was so irritated by it). My husband thought I was crazy because that the annoying little light would wake me up, until he saw it and then it bugged him too…lol.

I hate certain textures of food like raw fish, smooshy ice cream, sand or grainy sand-like textures in my food, like in clam chowder, and limp lettuce. I hate clothing and sheets that pill–the dingle balls feel scratchy to my skin, and will drive me nuts.

I can’t stand the feeling of touching newspaper when my hands are wet or waterlogged from doing dishes, it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me, and it gives me the willies.

I hate the feeling of foam, like a foam sleeping pad or cushion–EWW.

I don’t mind more botanical scents like: Lemon, orange, mint, coconut, cinnamon, vanilla and the like, and they don’t seem to hurt my respiratory system if they are high quality scents. But, I detest fake flowery lotions/perfumes, anything musk or patchouli,and stinky old lady scents or axe/old spice–BARF. All these scent sensitivities make finding shampoo, conditioner and deodorant difficult. Also a lot of perfumes hurt my respiratory system, because I grew up in a smoking house, and my sinuses and glands in my head and neck burn and itch when I am around that stuff, and I am also very allergic to the chemicals in commercial cigarettes, but that is my Dad’s fault for smoking, not my ADD.

I like to sleep to the humming motor of a box fan running, it drowns out my husband’s snoring, and it’s consistency and low, quiet noise is calming to me and my brain. I don’t understand how people can like white noise who are sensitive, it’s variable noise level is agitating to my brain and keeps me awake, it’s like it’s violent or angry to my ears/head.

I also cannot stand walking on grass barefoot, even some carpets feel gross to me. Also socks made from synthetic materials. I have to have cotton, cashmere or merino wool socks with only a bit of elastic in them. And I love going the ocean, but hate sand.

It’s a lot of pickiness on my part and I am not an easy person to live with because of it.

BeccaM ~ Omg, I SO totally relate! You said, “I feel like I am constantly upsetting people, or being told I have to change to fit in with how others want me to be. It’s like whatever I do isn’t good enough, and I’m trying so hard all the time.” AMEN and AMEN. I’m 56 years old now and that’s the story of my entire friggin’ life! Uuuugh! Your words are mine to the letter. For god’s sake, somehow it’s always ‘too much of this’ or ‘not enough of that.’ By this point in my life I am very isolated, and working hard on ways to earn a decent living without putting myself in the line of fire any more than I have to. That’s a sad testimony, isn’t it? But somehow we have to find our own way, our own place in this stupid world, because if we cannot simply live in peace with some measure of fulfillment, what’s the point? I will say this to you: Your entire life is about working your way through a mine field and coming to the conclusion of what works for YOU, so waste NO time on people and things that don’t. Yes, be honest with yourself, learn to be a strong person, suck it up when you need to, etc. We all have to grow up and be adults in an adult world; yeah, I get that. But don’t allow yourself to get stuck in toxic situations where you’re groveling and apologizing all the time, constantly feeling like crap about yourself, always questioning yourself, never believing in yourself, and feeling trapped. It’s not worth it. Use that sensitivity of yours to intuit when a situation isn’t working – and won’t work – and pull the rip cord. Punch out, walk away, learn from the experience, and keep dialing in what works for YOU. It’s your life, and you are either happy or you’re not. If you’re not, move on. – JH.Boise

I’ve always been incredibly sensitive, I thought it was because I was creative. I’ve recently been signed off work with stress and anxiety due to a meeting with my manager where she read out a list of criticisms about me. I broke down, I couldn’t cope. It was awful and it felt like a personal attack on me. I was told that all the pressure I feel at work is put on myself (maybe some of that is true, but not all). I became very defensive at first as I believed the criticisms were unfair. But I feel like I’m constantly upsetting people, or being told I have to change to fit in with how others want me to be. It’s like whatever I do isn’t good enough, and I’m trying so hard all the time.

I’m currently on a six month waiting list to see a specialist in ADHD. It honestly can’t come soon enough. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to go back to work, it makes me so unhappy. I just can’t fit in to that world.

I bought a pair of 3M noise blocking headphones at Home Depot, the kind worn for lawn mowing and construction work. They are very affordable, and work GREAT for cutting down the noise at home with kids. Headphones also serve as a concrete/visual message to your kids that things are getting too loud. Also, having the headphones on helps the highly sensitive parent to maintain composure when asserting behavioral boundaries with kids. I remember being so pained by my child’s meltdowns (physically because of the volume and pitch, but also emotionally because I could easily empathize with my child’s distress). Without the headphones, I felt I was in “survival mode.” They are also great for long car rides (but not when you’re the driver, of course!)

I loved your comment and I recognize almost everything. I always thought I was weak, crying over every roadkill, avoiding all conflicts, being scared of my letter box, scared of new things and meeting new people, being distressed by disputes with my partner which my partner didn’t even recognize as a dispute, being disorganized, bothered by sharp sunlight and supermarkets with too many products, being very ticklish! I hate to socialize but I love talking to my friends, I hate talking on the phone but I love going to a restaurant and talk. I am not a recluse but I need to be alone sometimes.I won’t panick in a crisis but will panick over nothing or things to come. Always feeling less than others….

I have 3 sons and I can’t take the noise, I say to them that they are doing my head in. I have to stay up late so I can have some quiet alone time because my brain won’t stop if I go to bed without it.

I actually went to register, and when I got the email from additude, 2 seconds later, I went to emails and COMPLETELY FORGOT why I was there and started reading other things, then I remembered, it was to confirm my email for this site.

I’m studying for my B.Nursing and I’m so disorganised! I’m amazed at how I’m even passing. Sometimes I feel completely mental, but I know I’m not.

Don’t anyone cry around me or I’ll be crying with them. I have to deliberately choose not to read anything about people being treated badly, or death, because I absorb it, get furious, or cry, and then try to save the world.

My anxiety is awful! Sometimes I’m scared to open emails, answer the phone, or open the door, because I have no idea of what might be on the other side, and if it’s going to ruin my life.

I remember watching Born Free when I was about 7 or 8 years old. When Elsa died I cried, no I sobbed hysterically for hours. Mum kept telling me it was just a movie, but I couldn’t be consoled, in fact just remembering it now is making me sad.

Thank you for listening to me. I’m going to have to get tested. I hate being the way I am. My ex husband used to tell me, and everyone else, that I can only cope when there is a crisis, and if it’s calm I’ll create a crisis.